The Truth About Gentle Parenting Might Surprise You

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Farhana Dar, UK

Every parent knows that raising a child can bring both the deepest joy and the greatest challenge. Parenthood is not simply about managing behaviour or ensuring success; it is about shaping souls and nurturing emotional well‑being within the warmth of the home, where a child’s heart learns what love means, a conscience begins to form, and a worldview is quietly built through the example of those closest to them. Developmental research by renowned psychologists – such Bronfenbrenner’s reflections on how a child is shaped by family and culture [1] or Baumrind’s observations of different parenting styles, [2] – has long suggested that these first relationships leave a deep and lasting imprint on a child’s social and emotional development.

Across the world today, many parents are rethinking old methods of childrearing. The once accepted model of strict authoritarian parenting built on control and fear, is increasingly questioned by both researchers and caregivers. In its place, a ‘gentle parenting’ movement has emerged, emphasising that children raised with warmth, respect, clear boundaries, and emotional responsiveness, tend to show greater resilience and self‑regulation.

The 1400-Year-Old Origins of Gentle Parenting

Yet centuries before this phrase was ever coined, Islam presented a God-centred model of gentle parenting that placed mercy and compassion (or rahmah in Arabic) at its very heart.

As is the case with many words in the Arabic language, rahmah is rich in meaning. It shares its root with rihm, meaning the womb, the place of safety and nourishment where life itself begins. This etymological connection is no coincidence. Just as a mother’s womb shelters, sustains, and protects, so too Allah’s mercy encompasses and nurtures all creation. The Qur’an repeatedly describes Allah the Almighty as Al-Rahman and Al-Rahim, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful, reminding believers that mercy is not only a divine attribute but the very fabric of existence.

Raising with Rahmah – What Does it Mean?

When parents raise their children with rahmah, they have an opportunity to reflect this divine attribute in their daily actions: to speak kindly, to forgive mistakes, to guide rather than command are all expressions of mercy and compassion woven into family life. Contemporary psychology’s emphasis on empathy, secure attachment and ‘whole‑brain’ [3] parenting, simply puts scientific language to what the Holy Prophet Muhammad (sa) demonstrated more than a millennium ago which was parenting through gentleness, patience, and love.

Gentle parenting is therefore not a modern innovation but an ancient truth. The aim of parenting within this Islamic framework becomes a spiritual practice to nurture young hearts that recognise goodness, act with humility, and grow into people of moral beauty through the ordinary rhythms of the home.

The Holy Qur’an offers profound wisdom on nurturing young souls. In Chapter 31 of the Holy Qur’an verses 13 to 20, Allah relates the tender counsel of the Prophet Luqman (as) to his son; counsel that is gentle, thoughtful and deeply rooted in wisdom. He urges his son towards gratitude to Allah, respect for parents and a life marked by humility, piety, and moral courage. He teaches him to establish prayer with sincerity, to shun arrogance, and to tread softly upon the earth. There is no harshness nor rebuke in his advice, only the quiet strength of love and wisdom. The Prophet Luqman’s (as) example illustrates a universal truth noted by developmental experts today- the most lasting lessons are those taught with consistent tenderness and sincerity rather than intimidation. [4]

The Best Example of Gentle Parenting We’ve Ever Known

The life of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (sa) is the perfect embodiment of this gentle and loving ethic. In an age and culture where harshness was equated with strength, he redefined what true strength really meant: the capacity to be kind, emotionally available, and patient. Authentic narrations describe his affectionate nature: kissing and embracing children, playing with them and sharing in their joy and laughter. When a man once boasted that he had never shown such warmth to his own children, the Holy Prophet Muhammad (sa) replied, ‘He who does not show mercy to our young ones is not of us.’ [5]

Anas bin Malik (ra), who spent ten formative years under the Holy Prophet’s (sa) care later reflected that in all the years he lived with him, the Holy Prophet (sa) never once scolded or criticised him. [6] In fact, he would be exemplary in the patience he had with children.  This is evident in the many accounts of his relationship with his beloved grandsons Hassan (ra) and Hussain (ra). During their childhood, they would excitedly climb onto his back while he was in prostration during prayer; rather than push them away, he lengthened his prostration to prevent them from falling. On another occasion they ran eagerly to him whilst he was delivering his sermon in the mosque; the Holy Prophet (sa) paused his address, descended from the pulpit and returned with them lovingly in his arms to resume his sermon. [7]

Modern child development experts would call this attuned, responsive parenting. The Holy Prophet’s (sa) life is a timeless reminder that gentleness is a prophetic strength that nourishes both spiritual and emotional development and that guidance is most effective when given with affection, not fear.

A Child’s Heart is Shaped by Love

Following the example of the Holy Prophet (sa), the Promised Messiah and Founder of the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community, Hazrat Mirza Ghulam Ahmad (as), carried forward this legacy into the modern age. His advice to parents was simple: a child’s heart is shaped by love, not force. He once said

‘I wish that, instead of punishing children, parents would have recourse to prayer, and should make it a habit to supplicate earnestly for their children; for the supplications of parents on behalf of their children meet with special acceptance.” [8]

He spoke strongly against disciplining in anger, warning that to strike a child in rage is a form of associating partners with God (shirk), for it demonstrates reliance on one’s own power rather than trust in Allah’s mercy. [9]

He reminded parents that faith cannot be forced, instead it must be nurtured with love through care and prayer, and then leaving the outcome in God’s hands. This balance between human effort and divine trust lies at the heart of an Islamic philosophy of parenting that is neither permissive nor punitive, but deeply conscious of accountability before Allah.

This accountability is reciprocated when those children raised with rahmah grow into adults. In the Holy Qur’an, Allah instructs believers regarding parents: ‘And lower to them the wing of humility out of tenderness. And say, “My Lord, have mercy on them even as they nourished me in my childhood.”’ [10]

This verse describes the beautiful concept that binds parent and child as a lifelong exchange of compassion rather than a oneway exercise of power. Parents care for their children in tenderness, and as those children grow into adults, they are commanded to respond with humility and mercy in return. Thus, the circle of rahmah becomes complete.

Gentle Parenting Across Faiths

While Islam offers a particularly coherent and comprehensive model of compassionate parenting, the spirit of mercy and compassion resonates across faiths. Many religious traditions emphasise that children are entrusted to adults as a sacred responsibility, to be guided with love rather than ruled through fear.

In Christianity, the Gospels portray Jesus (as) welcoming children and praising childlike sincerity and Proverbs teaches ‘Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.’ [11]

In a similar light, Jewish teaching captures this principle through Chinuch which calls upon every father to educate his child on how to fulfil the divine laws. In Hindu thought, the Grihastha stage promotes the teaching of dharma (righteousness) within family life, whilst Buddhist ethics call for gentle correction rooted in Ahimsa (non-violence), encouraging tolerance and compassion. Thus across religious traditions, we find the same truth echoed: the heart learns best not through fear, but through love.

Islam’s Comprehensive Solutions to Parenting

Islamic parenting unifies these universal insights within a spiritual structure. It combines firmness with gentleness, authority with empathy, and discipline with prayer and rejects both cruelty and neglect. The goal is not simply outward obedience, but the nurturing of the inner compass of a child to one who recognises Allah, loves goodness, and develops the character to walk humbly and justly in society. In this framework, rules are not arbitrary; they are tied to meanings, to values and to a sense of accountability before God, which helps children understand why they are being guided rather than that they must simply conform.

The Qur’an beautifully captures this aspiration in the prayer:

 ‘Our Lord, grant us of our wives and children the delight of our eyes, and make us a model for the righteous’. [12]

This short supplication holds the entire philosophy of Islamic parenting: seeking mercy for one’s family, gratitude for their presence, humility in recognising one’s responsibility and hope that such a home can become an example of righteousness for others. It portrays parenthood not as a private project of producing ‘successful’ children in worldly terms but as a communal and spiritual trust.

The Islamic model of parenting offers a clear and compassionate path in a world where many families often struggle to balance love and limits, and where competing advice can leave parents anxious or divided. To raise with rahmah is to raise not just good children but good human beings who show kindness, practise patience, and reflect divine mercy in their dealings with others. Furthermore, in aligning day-to-day parenting with the divine attribute of God as the Most Gracious, parents draw themselves nearer to the One whose mercy encompasses all.

About the author: Farhana Dar is a Law graduate from the London School of Economics and currently works in Business Development. As a mother of three, she brings both personal insight and academic curiosity to her writing, with a particular interest in the role and status of women in Islam and how faith shapes modern family life. She also serves as the Deputy Editor of the Women’s Section for The Review of Religions.

ENDNOTES

[1] Bronfenbrenner, U. (1994). Ecological models of human development. In T. Husén & T. N. Postlethwaite (Eds.), The international encyclopedia of education (2nd ed.). Oxford: Pergamon.

[2] Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of authoritative parental control on child behavior. Child Development, 37(4), 887–907

[3] Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The whole‑brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind. New York, NY: Delacorte Press / Bantam

[4]  Jeong, J., Siyal, S., Urke, H. B., & Yousafzai, A. K. (2024). Practices and outcomes of responsive caregiving on child health, nutrition and development in low‑ and middle‑income countries: A scoping review. BMJ Open, 14(4), e078712

[5] Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 4943

[6] Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2310

[7] Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 1109

[8] Hazrat Mirza Ghulam Ahmad, Malfuzat, Vol. 2, pp. 4-5 (English Translation).

[9] Ibid.

[10] The Holy Qur’an 17:25–26

[11] Proverbs 22:6

[12] The Holy Qur’an, 25:75